It is like my body and mind are craving something that I cannot see. Something that I am not doing that I should be doing and my mind is retaliating with anxieties. I have these ideas that I never fulfill. Whether it is being lazy or a complete lack of knowledge, I just continue to sit here and WAIT for something to come to me.

I had the idea of creating a documentary about people who go to visit cemeteries. Or about graveyards in general. Nothing dark or scary, but more of a personal glimpse at the lives and motivations of the people who visit their loved ones, the people who work in cemeteries, and even a glimpse into the lives of the deceased. It would consist of interviews with these people (not the dead ones of course – they are usually pretty shy), backgrounds, shots of interesting or humorous headstones…stuff like that. I wanted to call it Epitaph.

I also had an idea about writing a book about this man in Wisconsin, Steven Avery. He was in prison for something like 18 years for a rape before evidenced proved his innocence of the crime and he was set free. There were then stories in the media about how this poor man lived in a small ice fishing shack because he had no money and his life was taken away. I remember seeing these stories and feeling so badly for him. Today, he is being charged with the rape and murder of a young Wisconsin woman. Tell me there isn’t an interesting story here.

Someone else mentioned something to me about making a documentary about the loads of people trying to save the show Arrested Development, a show about a parody documentary. I know this could be very funny and challenging.

But I look at these ideas and doubts fill my mind. Reality fills my mind. Lack of education, no disposable money what so ever, lack of free time, no movie making skills or equipment…there see…mind is now flooded with reasons to continue sitting on my ass.

Maybe, just maybe someday something will kick me – will give me that jolt I need to go out there and do what my spirit is calling for. Maybe I already am. Perhaps I was MEANT to simply be a mother and a wife..a cook and a cleaner..a person with ideas and no ambition. Maybe just maybe I am SUPPOSE to be bored and anxious. Ya think?